Valentine's Day
by IbenholtTheSnowBunny
Summary: Valentine's day is never an easy thing when you're an X-Man. Kurt and Logan are about to find out. Logurt, slash, violence and language. And gueststars.


I'm sorry that I'm posting this so late, but I can't wait until next year.

I do not own X-Men, Peter Parker/Spiderman or his lovely wife Mary Jane Watson, or Parker in this case.

The Plagere, on the other hand are mine.

Home at last, Logan thought and got out of his bike-gear and boots. New ones, of course. A little present from Foxy and Mac. He was quite pleased that he had made it home on time. Today was the 14th of February, which meant that he and Kurt had something special to celebrate.

While he slipped out of his leather jacket, he sniffed and furrowed his brow. Someone was coming his way, "Logan!" Kurt Wagner teleported about three meters above his head and landed in his arms. "You're home!" Logan chuckled, "You with yer dramatic entrances." Kurt kissed him happily and snaked his tail around his leg. "I thought you were worth it after such a long time." He jumped out of his arms and helped him with his two bags.

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked, not really sure why he bothered asking. "We had fried chicken and potatoes for dinner. I could re-heat it." Logan's stomach chose that time to rumble, and he nodded and followed his younger teammate to the kitchen. Kurt got the food out of the fridge and found a plate. Logan watched him from his spot by the table. "You just miss a lil' apron." Kurt put the food in the oven and snorted. "Oh, stop it. It is Valentine's Day, after all. Let me fuss a little."

They got into the kitchen afterwards and Kurt re heated the food. He turned around to look at his mate that was sitting by the table with a thoughtful expression.

"What happened in Canada? The last message you sent me was a bit confusing."

"Fought a couple o' aliens and wood creatures that came along."

"Oh, that explains it. Aliens, you say? Skrulls?"

"Nah. These were related to tha Brood or somethin'. They wanted humans ta experiment on. Taught them how we deal with folks who wanna pick around in our brains. Won't be commin' back in a hurry." Kurt put the plate in front of him and went to fetch him a drink. He opened the beer can and saw in the corner of his eye Logan straightening in his seat. "Izzat…?" "Imported beer from Germany." He handed Logan two beers and a big plate full of food. He headed out of the room.

"See you tomorrow, then." Kurt said and waved, only to have his lover standing in front of him in the blink of an eye. "Whaddya mean 'see you tomorrow'?" The blue man shrugged, "Well, I assumed you were tired after your long trip?"

"Yer so funny, you know that? Here I've been, ridin' my way home, only to be with ya. No, I ain't tired. T'nite, Elf, we're gunna make the mansion shake." Logan purred and crashed their hips together. "Promises, promises." Kurt smiled. "Hey, I have been gone fer some time. Missed ya a lot." He leaned in for a kiss.

"Whoops!" Kitty Pryde's voice called out as she floated through the wooden door. "Hi, Logan. You're home." She was beet red and laughed nervously. Walking in on her 'uncles' wasn't new to her, but not comfortable for anyone. "Hey, Punkin'." Logan greeted, cursing the girl's mutant gift. She bit her lip and tried to stop laughing. "I'm sorry, guys. Didn't mean to interrupt." She assured and rummaged through the cabinet after crackers. "It's not a problem, Kätchen, but I thought we had talked about phasing around in the mansion. Especially today." She sighed. "Sorry, ok? I was in a hurry. I'm going to watch Phantom of the opera with Piotr and we needed snacks. Happy Valentine's Day, fellas." She gave them both a brief kiss before phasing out the door again. "How can you be so clever and so childish at the same time?" Kurt shook his head. "Beats me. Or maybe she get's it from you?" Kurt pretended to be insulted and' hmf-ed' at Logan. He couldn't pretend for too long and turned back again with his famous charming smile.

"Now, where were we?" The feral man grabbed the Elf's shoulders and kissed him passionately. "Eeeww! Guys, please, we eat in here!" Bobby complained when he entered. "Dammit, Drake!" Wolverine tried to keep calm, but Mister Robert Drake had always been one to try his famously short patience. "Just 'cause you ain't getting' laid t'nite doesn't mean that ya have ta spoil MY chances!" "Whatever. I'm going to eat now, so do you mind moving your little Bareback Mountain scene upstairs, to your rooms?" Logan was just about to release his claws when Kurt took his shoulder and whispered, "It's alright, Schatz. Just wait until he finds out what I put in his ice cream." Smiling evilly, Logan agreed. "Right. Sorry, Drake, we'll be going now." Kurt teleported them up to Logan's room, they landed in a neatly made bed.

"What exactly didja put in his ice cream?" Logan asked as his stomach calmed down. "Laxatives?" Kurt licked his lips and grinned devilishly. "Try frozen sour cream and garlic bites dipped in brown pepper sauce." Logan felt like he was watching a 6-year-old playing a prank on his older brother. And he couldn't help but smile with him. "Giving the perfect illusion of Rocky Road." Kurt finished proudly. "An' just what did the Popsicle did ta deserve that?" Kurt cleared his throat and gestured at the room around them. Logan gaped. Pink. Bright, bright pink. Neon pink, in fact. He thought he had smelt something weird, but Kurt's brimstone stink had come in the way. "I'm really sorry about this, Logan, I tried to paint over it, but I didn't get the time."

Just then, they heard a pained and disgusted shout from downstairs, and Logan's angry face lit up. "It's ok, Babe. It was cute o' ya ta stick up fer yer man. An' I'm sure we can use your room." Kurt's smile faltered, "Ja, about that…" "What? The renovation ain't ready yet? Where have ya been sleepin'?" He couldn't believe they hadn't had the time to fix Kurt's room yet. Had they been bombarded by super villains for all the time he had been away? "The guestroom. But it's trashed after a brawl with Juggernaut. I've slept in the Blackbird since that." Logan sighed. Screwing his boyfriend on a plane that was not even in the air was kinky, but not romantic. And he had really hoped he could grant Kurt one night with romance, especially this night.

They took in on a hotel instead, and Logan ordered, much to Kurt's embarrassment and the manager's surprise, the bridal suite.

"Have you lost your mind?" "Yea, why?" "That was too much money." "I won't be smokin' fer a while, so what?" Kurt just rolled his eyes and followed him up to the big, expensive room. It stood up to the expectations, at least, with its red, white and golden interior and pleasant view from the big windows. Logan sat down on the bed and waved Kurt over to him.

"This is gunna be great."

"It's very pretty."

"Right?"

"I'm a little nervous to actually do anything in here."

"I'm nervous, too. Wanna make out?"

"Oh, Logan…Ok."

Kurt crawled up into Logan's lap and started kissing his face. He continued with licking the older male's lips and kissing them softly. Then he felt the grip on his waist tighten. Within few minutes, they were practically eating each others faces, and peeling of their clothing. Logan had fumbled out some lube and condoms from the pockets from his jeans and was now busy applying them. "This night is turning out very nice, after all…" Kurt sighed and petted Logan's arm. "Yea?" "Yes." Logan got on top of him and kissed him again. "…love ya so much." He whispered against his neck. Kurt was about to reply, when a loud crash and a scream come from the other room. Through the wall burst none other than Doctor Doom. He crashed into the opposite wall, fell down and crushed a chair. Logan had gotten off Kurt and had his claws out, while his mate was busy holding firmly onto the covers. "Perhaps that will teach you…" Came the voice of Reed Richards. He and his team walked through the hole in the wall, only to see Doom getting up, and a pissed off couple in a big bed trying to maintain whatever was left of their modesty. "Oh, goodness." Susan muttered into her hand. "Is that Nightcrawler?" Johnny asked. "Oh! And Wolverine…" "Looks like we're intruding." Ben commented and tried to look away.

Five minutes later, it knocked thrice on the door. It was opened and a blue, curly head looked out, "Yes?" Kurt asked the sour little man outside tiredly. He straightened himself up and puffed his chest out. "What is going on up here?" He asked. "I am positive that our friends might enlighten you." Kurt opened the door fully, and revealed four heroes tying up a super villain, and an angry Canadian in jeans and a flannel shirt watching the show and giving the team death threats if they didn't keep their mouths shut about what they had seen.

As soon as they were all gone, Logan turned to Kurt. "Elf, I've had it. Before we now it, Cyke'll call an' tell us that Juggernaut, Omega Red an' Magneto's trashin' the city." Logan held his hands up and stalked around in the room. Kurt teleported so that he stood right in front of Logan, stopping him. He brought his index/middle finger up to his lips and stroked them carefully. "You must not worry so much, Mein Freund." His hand moved from his face, down to his neck, his shoulder and then his chest. He started the task of unbuttoning the shirt, while kissing Logan and biting him a little. His fingers were big, but not impossible to work with, and soon, the red flannel shirt fell to the ground. Logan then grabbed Kurt's t-shirt and intended to get it off him. But it was too late.

"The flamin' hell…?!" Logan and Kurt looked around. The softly lit room they had just been in was now replaced with a much too bright, metallic room. And they were not alone. "Peter? Where are we?" Mary Jane Parker asked her husband. "Heck if I know, MJ." The married couple were in their pyjamas and looked confused over to the two men beside them.

"Puny Humans! You have been chosen to be the first ones to be experimented on by the great and superioir race of The Plagere." A large, grey, insect-like alien sat in a chair and looked satisfied down at his catch. Beside it stood 15 similar creatures with scalpels and guns. The head alien looked like it wanted to continue, but it was interrupted by low, shivering laughter. Logan stepped forward very slowly. Kurt braced himself silently.

"You know… I'm know what I was getting' when I became a super hero, but… for once… it would be fantastic to be able… TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT BEING WALKED IN ON, DISTURBED OR FUCKING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!" Wolverine released his claws. This was met by loud shrieking from the creatures. "It's the murderer!" Someone shouted. He leapt into action and did what he did best.

Kurt looked amused as Logan slashed his way through the masses of greyish scales, tentacles and dark green blood. Spiderman joined in, trapping some of them in his web, and knocking out the others.

. "Do you need any help, Schatz?" Kurt called out. He knew that Logan probably wanted to fight alone this time, but it couldn't hurt to ask. "Yea! Find some way we… FUCKIN' SLUG! …can get outta here!" Nightcrawler looked around, spotted a control panel and went against it. Mary Jane followed him with a worried glance against her husband. Kurt was clicking on the control panel as easy as anything. Their technology was oddly primitive for a 'superior' race. "I'm guessing there hasn't been a great flood of privacy on you lately." A rather large portion of blood splashed over them. MJ groaned in disgust, and looked in grief at her Spiderman tee her husband had gotten her as a joke. Kurt sighed, it was going to be hell to get the goo out of his fur.

"However did you reach that conclusion?" He asked, angry with himself for sounding so sour.

"You're not exactly objecting to Logan killing these umm..."

"Mrs. Parker, don't you think we have more than enough aliens trying to finish us off? And I haven't seen Logan for three weeks. He can do exactly what he wants to as long as he doesn't hurt the area below his waist, or gets himself killed. Would you be kind and press that yellow button over there?"

"Ah, you've reached that phase." She said, and attempted to dry her hair after pressing the button down. They appeared over New York again.

"Yes, I've been there for quite some time now. I hate being in this business sometimes." She looked over to Peter that was fighting along with Logan, trying not to get in his way. They were doing just fine.

"And you? Being the wife of Spiderman must be quite the trial." She shrugged, "Oh, you know, I'll probably develop a tumour just from worrying so much, but I'm ok otherwise."

"Murderer! You shall die for your…" Logan's eyes bore themselves into the ones of the last standing brood-look-alike, and he threw himself at it, ridding it of the weapon it had held in its tentacles.

"Listen here, Bub, I'll let ya live. At one cost." "Yes, yes, anything! Please, I'll do anything!" It shrilled, suddenly very humble. "Go home. Tell the rest o' yer people that there are more people like me here, an' that we dun' like bein' treated like this. That we'll probably track ya down and kill ya if ya ever plant yer slug asses here, or anywhere else where ya don't belong again. Can ya do that fer me?" The creature nodded rapidly, close to tears, it seemed. "Good." Logan snarled before standing up. "Some write music, some sing, _he_ fights evil aliens in nothing but his skin." Logan muttered something dark at Spiderman before accepting the sheet Kurt held out to him. "I'll teleport everyone home." Kurt offered before grabbing MJ and Peter.

"Flamin' slugs… ruinin' everythin'." Logan muttered furiously while lighting a cigar. He was resting and getting his anger out while Kurt was ridding his fur of the green blood he had been covered in. He eventually got out, now squeaky clean. Logan turned of the TV and looked as his lover. "I'm sorry 'bout this mess, Elf. Just wanted us ta have a nice night." Kurt went over to him, sat down behind him and started massaging his broad shoulders. "Mmmmh." Logan purred. Kurt kept it up for half an hour before kissing his cheek. "I know, Liebchen. But the night is not over, is it? And we have a whole bridal suite to ourselves…" He made Logan lie down and sat up on him. "Yea?" "Yes."

The hotel's manager received many phone calls that night. Someone seemed to have started a war in the Bridal Suite, but every time someone got close to the door, someone inside there growled, warning the trespasser away.


End file.
